Knowing you want some help is easy. At least eventually. But taking the first step to giving to yourself is super hard for some. There’s the sense of needing permission, or not deserving it. The money, the time. Isn’t it so self-indulgent? Does therapy even help!? I can handle it. I can get by. I don’t know where to start anyway.
Plus how to find a good therapist. One who doesn’t just sit back and nod sagely and ask me how that is for you!?
The first step is to work out what type of therapist you need, and if you don’t know, make a start. Surf the net for some websites and faces and get a sense. No, don’t want tapping or CBT, Auntie Beryl tried that and she’s still annoying. Etc. Find out a little about the different styles and modalities. Is in person imperative, or is online ok? In person has some really important elements, but it narrows what is available and adds to the time investment. Online works great, but there are things it can’t do. Same for in person.
My take is biased, but I think a therapist with a grounding in body-based approaches is important, so the feelings get some air time and not just thoughts. Our thoughts are endless. And then have an intro or three with a few. Intros should be free, although this is becoming less common. And you should get a sense in that time if this person is someone you can relate to. If it feels tricky, that doesn’t mean its wrong, it takes time for humans to relate to one another with ease. But don’t doubt yourself all the way and persevere if it just doesn’t meet your needs. Choose one and try three sessions and then review. The right therapist should be unfazed by you saying, hey this isn’t feeling right. Can you offer me a bit more of this, or that, and less of this? Why not ask for what you want?
A therapist with firm boundaries can be annoying for some, but it means they can vouch for themselves and respect you and the work enough to stand up for what is right, in their view. This should make you feel safer over time, even if it brings stuff up for you. Don’t you want to work with someone who can look after themselves? And you.
Even if it takes some time to find the right one, once you have, settle in and show up even when you don’t feel like it. Beware the excuses you might come up with. The money. The time…
Good luck. It’s worth it.